Visibly shaken Olympic officials and Danish citizens struggled to explain to a curious world how thousands of them managed to fall down the stairs shortly after Brazil won the competition for the 2016 Olympics.
"Everyone knows I'm a clutz," said Pierre Belfonte, head of the International Olympic Committee. "I just wasn't paying attention and fell down a flight of stairs - repeatedly."
The Chicago delegation went unharmed and spent the rest of the day extending their well wishes to Brazil.
"I don't know nuthin' about any stairs," claimed Chicago Mayor Richard Daley. "All's I can say is we tried everything to persuade our friends in the IOC to see things our way. They chose to go with Rio, and we wish them the best."
"Nothing happened, just a little tumble," said Hans van der Wolf, a bike courier in Copenhagen. "Really no story here. Sure wish Chicago would've gotten the games, though."
While thousands sought medical attention after their injuries, not one security camera caught the eerie event.
"Awful suspicious that all those tapes went missing," said Chicago booster Vinny "The Fish" Babino. "You's all should run a more professional operation with us here in town."
"We want to thank our generous hosts in Denmark," said talk-show host Oprah Winfrey. "We hope you consider us again in 2020, so we can all meet up and see if we can't come to a more amicable agreement."