Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Will Work for Money

It's been a while since I last updated this blog, but my recent unemployment means I'll have a lot more time to share my thoughts with you. My loss is your gain!

Below I've outlined my new schedule. Feel free to borrow from it if you find yourself without a job to fuel the economic engine that is America. Which was probably built by Toyota ...

9 AM - Rise and shine! Check TMZ to make sure no celebrities died while I was asleep.

10 AM - Begin job search online. Screen out ads that want photos along with the application. Fool me once ...

11 AM - Ponder what a man's relationship is to his work, and whether he can stay proud while living off the government.

12 PM - Cheetoh time!

1 PM - Practice writing name with different titles, like "Greg Sidor, Asst. CIA Director," and "Greg Sidor, Pastry Chef."

2 PM - 4 PM - Spruce up the resume with more powerful adjectives, less offensive verbs.

5 PM - Yell "It's quitting time, boys!" to puzzled squirrels outside window.

6 PM - 11PM - Crunchy Cheetoh time!

Keep checking back for more chuckles and guffaws! Best of all, they're free!